But I'm Here.

I see the people that I have filled my life with, my mom, dad, brothers, sisters, childhood friends, high school friends, extended family, and they're the ones I love the most.  I didn't choose to be born in the family that I'm in.  And I didn't choose to live in the United States, or Utah or Alpine.  But I'm here.  And you're here.  Out of everyone in this entire world you all are in my life in some way, big or small.  Out of the seven billion people in this world, I am here with you.  That must mean something.  We must be here for a reason.  And I don't think I really know you.  I don't think I can ever know what you've been through, or what you've seen.  But I know what I've seen and what I've done.  And I somehow feel an uncontrollable urge to share it with you all.  Because I feel that I'm right.  That might sound really ecocentric, but I think I'm right.  You probably think you're right too, everything you believe and think and know.  But what I have in my mind is so clear to me.  It's so pure and true.  And it's this, that there is so much more to living.  When you take away sports, and fashion, school, food, television, video games, homework, college, everything, all we have is each other.  So let's forget about our nails, and the scoreboard, and the status quote.  And lets just remember the people, the smiles, the teeth, the hair, the eyes, the people we love, the people who surround us.

If You Really Knew Me...

If you really knew me you'd call me Kenz. You'd know that I'm good

at making camel noises, and my dolphin noise is pretty good too.  

If you really knew me, you'd know that I still laugh at potty jokes, and that I'm really good at coming up with them too.  

You'd know that I never drink milk out of a glass, it gives me the willies, mugs are the way to go.  If you really knew me, you'd know that my favorite thing in the whole entire world is laughing.  

You'd know that on the back of my phone I have a picture of a lion, and it makes squeaky noises.  

If you really truly knew me, you'd feel the magic of my pinterest pins, they might even make you cry a little.  

You'd know that when someone plays with my hair, I can almost fall asleep instantly.  

You'd know that I am always in need of a glass of orange juice. 

If you really knew me you'd know that I can't handle anything scary, I hate it so much.  

And If you really knew me, I wouldn't even have to tell you all this stuff.

Take a breath of fresh air.

This sun is a breath of fresh air.  Even when the air is clouded with pollen from the blossoms, and little white cotton plumes flying everywhere, I can't help but sleep with my window open.  

The message is as clear as my mother's voice, it's time to move on, start new.

We hear it all around.

We will all forgive, and maybe not forget, but that's what's so beautiful.

Just when we think everything is failing, God will always take care of His children.  

Especially the ones who are on His side.

This is a new time, and new season that we all need to advantage of. I'm begging you to please start over new. Forget everything you've done, everything you didn't do.  

Forget the ones who don't matter, and remember the ones who most definitely do.  

It's time, don't wait any longer. 

 Because all your doing is hurting right now, and I know you're tired of it.  I can tell you're so tired of thinking and not being able to breath. 

I've felt that way before, and trust me, this grass on the other side of the fence is so much greener and so much better. Come on, don't be shy, come on over and be happy with all these people who love you and care about you.

Do You Remember? Cause I Do.

Remember when we tied paper clips at the end of burlap strings that were tied to long sticks?  We would put pieces of kraft cheese on the end for bait.  We would cast our homemade fishing polls into the farmer next door's irrigation ditch hoping to catch anything.  I remember always being scared that he would see us and yell at us like he did before.

Remember when Santa brought me the fake diamond and silver choker?

Remember when they kicked me out of their club because I didn't have my ears pierced?  I had to wait until I was twelve.

Remember when my mom cut up white t-shirts to make them look old and tattered?  We would wear them with red bandanas and we would hold our plastic swords from Disneyland.  We played pirates for days that summer, and never got tired of it.

Remember the water fights, and when you broke my favorite water bottle?  I think you were the first one that gave me butterflies.  Everyday I would wait to see if you'd come to swim practice.

Remember when it poured rain, and your whole backyard was a mud pit?  We asked our moms if we could play in it, surprisingly they said yes.  It was a dream come true.

Remember when we would practice for hours our dance routine that we made up to the Hillary Duff CD?  We sent out invitations for the neighbors to watch us in our own little concert.  I remember being so nervous.

Remember riding our bikes to the pond?  We brought tupperware with us to put the tadpoles we would catch.  Water would spill out while we rode our bikes all the way home all over our legs.  We put them in your fish bowl, and by morning they would all be dead.  Every time, but nothing stopped us from going again the next week.

Remember going to the dollar store?  Mom would let us pick one thing, and it was always so hard for me to choose.

Remember when Dad took us for rides on the four wheeler?  I felt like a big girl when he would let me steer.  I was secretly really scared of the loud noise, and the big dirt hills.

How to have a successful GNO.

Are you in need of a Girls Night Out?  

First, you need to find out what kind of night you're expecting to have.

Would you like a sobbing, sad, pity party night? 

Or an "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22"night?

Let's go with the second-less miserable option. 

Okay, let's see, the perfect recipe for a night of fun with the girls absolutely needs an hour to prep for.

Look through your closet and pick out your most attractive outfit. 

Get together with your girlfriends, and take it to the city.

Shopping is usually preferred, Anthropologie is a nice place to start.

Dream, and dream, and dream.  

And remember laughing is the very best medicine.

Yes, laughter is critical.  All this fluff is put to waste without a night full of laughter.

All the while Taylor Swift must be playing in the background.

And there you have it.  A very successful GNO. #yolo

Black Paper.

We sat in that room and it was dark.  Well ya the lights were dimmed real low, but it was the kind of dark you can taste.  I looked around and I could see little spurts of light, here and there.  And those lights were usually smiling, not only with their mouths but also with their eyes. 

Then I looked some more, and I didn't have to look very long to see many many black holes.  Especially when they spoke, I felt the foggy, thick, black trouble that they go through everyday.  

The deep deep love that they spoke about, was in reality only the thin top layer of their hearts.  

Why could these black holes only see what's in front of them.  Black paper is surrounding them, making them think that this is how it will always be.    

I found myself tearing down black paper this year.  I didn't know, but I started to build it up around me.   

I looked at my hands, and noticed what they were doing, I looked at those around me that were covered and didn't know where to start to tear.  I did not want to be like them.  And I knew that the black paper would never make me happy.  

Isn't it obvious to see that black paper won't make you happy?  It never has and never will.  

But so many people in that room were covered.  Some had layer upon layer upon layer of paper.  Stapled, taped, glued.  And we saw it, we could tell that we were different.  We were able to see so much more.  

Cliché phrases, artificial tears, and black paper is all we saw and heard.  

And that's why we didn't listen to music on our way home.  We didn't talk about the paper walls that we almost built for ourselves.  But we talked about the hands that tore them down, and we thanked Him and thanked Him for all the beauty that was in our lives.